About To Lose It All
by Music4ever1617
Summary: Heading back from a hockey game the guys are involved in a bus accident. What happens to the four friends? One of the friend is lost causing  Kendall to fall apart.  Kames and Cargan.
1. Crash

**I own nothing except my OCS. The guys are living in California attending college. There's no Big Time Rush. The guys are nineteen and have been friends since they were one, eighteen years. **

Two massive buses parked in front of the ice rink waiting for the two teams to shuffle on board. The first team had teenage guys ranging from the ages of sixteen to nineteen and on that specific team are Carlos Garcia, Logan Mitchell and James Diamond. The second team had younger guys ranging from the ages of thirteen to fifteen their coach is Kendall Knight was previously played hockey with Logan, Carlos and James but had a severe knee injury causing him to end his hockey playing years. The teams appeared exiting from the rink in two distinct lines, Carlos in front of Logan and James behind Logan while James placed an arm around his boyfriend, Kendall. Logan, Carlos and the rest of the team board their bus leaving Kendall and James outside alone, Kendall's team also boarded their bus.

" You're team did great today Kendall," James says causing Kendall to blush lightly.

" Thanks, you guys did great too. I think our teams should scrimmage more often," Kendall replies. The two give a peck on their lips,a tight hug then boarding their separate buses.

The drive back into town was boring for Kendall, he wasn't with James, Carlos or Logan to entertain him he had a bunch of young teens, but that was just part of being a coach. The bus is filled with young teen boys' chatter. Suddenly the bus had an impact from the back Kendall shoots up from his seat.

" Everyone hold on tight!" He commands everyone.

The bus swerves quick and hard then the bus tilts on its side skidding across the road. The teens screaming hoping the bus with stop. The bus comes to halt Kendall falls off his seat but is unharmed. He stumbles around trying to help all the boys out of their seat he pushes them out through the windows above them. Kendall is the last one out of the overturned bus, luckily no one was hurt on their bus including the bus driver. But the second bus is severely damaged Kendall sprints over to his friend's bus.

The second overturned bus is completely damaged, tires slashed open huge dents on the sides. Kendall screams out for his friends he spots Logan and Carlos climbing through the windows. The entire team is covered with bruises, cuts, gash and dripping with blood but James is no where to be seen. Kendall begins to panic rushes over to Logan and Carlos helping them down.

" Where's James?" Kendall asks Logan in a panic tone placing his hands around Logan's shoulders, Logan is wide-eyed, tears falling down his face.

" Kendall he-he's pinned down. I-I checked his pulse- there- there- isn't one. He's gone," Logan chokes out between sobs. Color drains from Kendall's face he then jumps into the bus through the window carefully. He sees James pinned between two seat not moving, blood drips from his head. Kendall pries James from the seats after several tugs and pulls. James is still not moving Kendall carries James out of the window. A waiting paramedic puts James onto a stretcher rechecking his pulse. The paramedic looks up at Kendall sorrowfully, " I'm sorry for your loss." The paramedic places a white blanket over James unmoving body and puts him into the empty ambulance.

Kendall stands next to Logan and Carlos in complete shock. The next moment Kendall begins to sob uncontrollably. His whole body begins to shake hard Logan and Carlos wrap their arms around Kendall. All three begin to sob loudly, they just lost their best friend of eighteen years.

Both teams were escorted on new buses to the local hospital. Kendall received two bruises, one on his left shoulder and one massive on his right knee. Logan had several scratches but a deep cut from window glass on his right side of his stomach that required ten stitches. Lastly Carlos had only a broken wrist. The three friends made an appointment to see the head doctor that is taking care of James' case. The three enter the doctor's room, " Hello my name is Dr. Willows," each boy shook his hand.

" This is Logan," Kendall points to Logan, " Carlos and I'm Kendall. We are inquiring how did my boyfriend James die from this accident?" Kendall asked softly holding back tears. Dr. Willows opens his folder and scans the paper.

" James passed away from his rib cage collapsing causing a puncture to his heart leading to internal bleeding. I'm very sorry for your loss." Tears fall from each of the three friends' eyes.

" Thank you Dr. Willows," Kendall sniffles. The three disappear heading back to their shared apartment.

The apartment was silent the three friends looked so broken especially Kendall. He had black lines underneath his eyes, he hasn't slept for the passed ten days. He wouldn't eat, drink or do anything at all. Logan forced him to go to his college classes so that he had something to occupy himself and Logan didn't want Kendall to lose his scholarship that he worked so hard for.

Today was the first day back for Kendall he missed a lot of work. He knew he was going to be staying up late trying to finish all his work before the end of the semester, which ends in two weeks. Carlos, Logan and Kendall are sitting in their American Literature class listening to the old professor ramble on. The three rapidly take notes on the current author. An hour later the three friends scramble out of the auditorium. They sit in the quad waiting for their next class together, which is Trigonometry

Kendall hears laughing from Julian, the local ice hockey's captain that is a total ass. Several girls are swooning over Julian especially since the accident. Julian only had a broken arm everyone was signing his cast. He was acting like he was the only one who survived the crash. Kendall narrows his eyes at Julian marches over to him pushing people out of his way.

" Julian who were you sitting with on the bus before the accident?" Kendall asks angrily.

" James of course I always sit next to him."

" Then why didn't you help him after the bus flipped? He left him to die!" Kendall yells at Julian, Julian flinches a bit.

" It's not my fault Kendall! He was already dead after the bus flipped!" Kendall's eyes glazed with anger severe anger. Kendall lifts his fist about to deck Julian but someone grabs Kendall by the waist pulling him backwards away from the crowd. The person lets go of Kendall, Kendall turns to see Logan crossing his arms.

" You're lucky that Carlos grabbed you before you lost your scholarship." Kendall rolls his eyes at Logan and Carlos.

" Sor-ry Logan but Julian was asking for a punch to the face." Kendall replies.

" How would James feel if you threw your scholarship away from one punch? How would he fell if you gave it all up?" Logan questions Kendall. Kendall flinches a bit tears begin to fill his eyes. He knew that James would be upset if he gave everything away for one punch. Kendall wipes away this stray tears and races into the auditorium.

**I hope this wasn't terrible this is the first story I wrote in which I killed James. **

**Please review! They mean a lot to me! **


	2. What Hurts The Most

**I own nothing except my OCS. Song is called What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts. This chapter was hard to write because I almost cried while writing it. It's so hard writing this since I killed one of the guys I love them all. Let the angst proceed ahead. **

The auditorium is empty lights are off. Kendall finds a seat towards the back of the dark room covers his face with his hands tears rolling down his face rapidly. He continues to cry loudly until someone taps him on the shoulder he slowly looks up. Logan is standing with Carlos with a look of concern. Kendall attempts to wipe away the tears but fails, Logan hands him a tissue and Kendall wipes away his tears.

" Why did he have to die? Why James?" Kendall chokes out trying not to cry again.

" It's ok Kendall. I should've tried to help him faster," Logan says rubbing circles on Kendall's back. Carlos hears footsteps coming towards the room Kendall rubs away the rest of his tears. Students flood the previously empty auditorium.

**- Two Days Later-**

The three best friends are dressed neatly in their black suits, black shoes and black ties. Logan drives his friends to James' furenal the sky was dark covered in gray clouds. People shuffled inside the venue sniffling and crying. Kendall spots James' parents he walks over to them hugging them tightly each.

" I'm so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Diamond," he says softly. James' parents wipe their tears.

" I'm sorry too Kendall. James loved you so much," Mrs. Diamond says.

Carlos goes up to the front to say and memory of him and James together, two years ago.

_Carlos and James are sitting by the pool waiting for Logan and Kendall to finish up with their laps. _

" _James do you think Logan likes me?" _

" _Of course, why wouldn't he?"_

" _I don't," Carlos pauses to think, " I don't mean as a friend." James smirks a bit. _

" _I see, he probably does. Ask him yourself." Carlos smiles stands up and goes over to Logan. Logan stops his lap and swims over to Carlos by the edge of the pool. _

" _Hey Carlos what's up?" _

" _Hmm I was wondering Logan if you may want to go out to lunch later?" Logan smiles widely. _

" _I love to go to lunch with you Carlos," Carlos smiles back. _

Carlos sits back down next to Kendall while Logan goes up. Illstrating his memory with James six months ago.

_James and Logan are sitting in front of their shared TV set. Kendall and Carlos are out buying their boyfriends something special. _

" _James can we please watch something else beside MTV?" Logan whines crossing his arms. _

" _Nope, Logan you need to expand your hizrons besides the Medical Channel." Logan sighs. _

" _Fine but after watching this show," pointing to the screen, Rob Dyrek's Fantasy Factory theme playing. " we are going to watch on Mystery Diagnosis." James rolls his eyes. _

" _Alright," After watching four episodes of Fantasy Factory Logan was definitely hooked. _

" _This show is so interesting and funny. We should try some of those tricks sometime and I think Carlos would love this show." James nods the smiles brightly. _

Logan goes back to Carlos wrapping an arm around Carlos' shoulders. Kendall stands up goes over to the podium and takes a deep breath.

" James Diamond is an amazing, fantastic, spectular the list could go on kind of guy. When you first meet him you think he's shallow, self-absorb but really he has a huge heart. He gives never takes that is what I love about him and always will love about him. James right now is in a better place with all his relatives that sadly too left this world. He'll watch over all of us." Kendall says confidently ignoring the tears that falling down.

_**First memory four years ago:**_

" _James please change this song it's terrible." Kendall tries to reach the stereo that James has above his hand. James is only two inches taller than Kendall but has longer arms. Kendall continues to jump up to reach it but fails. He huffs in annoyance. _

" _Kendall you can't only listen to rock music for your entire life." Kendall walks towards the door then suddenly sprints towards James. James falls over onto his bed being pinned by Kendall dropping the stereo onto the floor. _

" _What was that Kendall?" _

" _My attempt of trying to get back the stereo." Kendall smirks a little causing James to smile. Hazel meet pale green eyes Kendall leans in slightly brushing his lips on James' lips. James pulls Kendall downwards the two kiss for a few moments pulling away gently. That was James and Kendall first ever kiss. _

_**Second memory:**_

_Kendall and James are sitting on the couch. Kendall head on James' chest listening to his heartbeat. James runs his fingers through Kendall's messy blonde hair. _

" _I love you Kendall," he presses a kiss on Kendall's hair. _

" _I love you James," Kendall places his hand top of James' chest keeping it there. _

" _Kendall can you promise me that when we finish college that we could get married?" James pulls out a thin banded, sliver ring with " I will always love you no matter where I am," incraved. Kendall lifts his head off of James' chest he gasps at the sight of the ring. _

" _I promise you James. I can't see living my life with someone else," James slides the ring on Kendall's right ring finger. Kendall pulls James in a short yet passionate kiss. _

Tears are covering James' parents, Logan's, Carlos', Kendall's and everyone else faces. "The second memory was a week before the accident. I wear this ring everyday and will never take it off. I'm going to sing a song that I wrote recently, a week after the accident." Kendall pulls the microphone off the stand and begins to sing his song.

"_**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house**_

_**That don't bother me**_

_**I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out**_

_**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**_

_**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**_

_**There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok**_

_**But that's not what gets me**_

_**What hurts the most**_

_**Was being so close**_

_**And having so much to say**_

_**And watching you walk away**_

_**And never knowing**_

_**What could have been**_

_**And not seeing that loving you**_

_**Is what I was tryin' to do**_

_**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**_

_**But I'm doin' It**_

_**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone**_

_**Still Harder**_

_**Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**_

_**But I know if I could do it over**_

_**I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart**_

_**That I left unspoken**_

_**What hurts the most**_

_**Is being so close**_

_**And having so much to say**_

_**And watching you walk away**_

_**And never knowing**_

_**What could have been**_

_**And not seeing that loving you**_

_**Is what I was trying to do"**_

Kendall finishes the song wiping the reminder of his tears and sits back down next to Logan and Carlos. The funeral ends the three best friends leave to their apartment for the reminder of their weekend. Kendall locks himself in his and James' room once again. Kendall sniffles, breathes deeply then drifts off into a deep slumber.

**I realized when I finished writing this that the ring idea came to me and I forgot to mention it in the first chapter. James and Kendall weren't engaged, James gave Kendall a promise ring. It's depressing that now they can't get married. :/ **

**Please review they mean a lot to me! :) **


	3. Sitting By The Water

**I own nothing! This chapter has a bit of fluff and not as angsty. Memories/flashbacks are ****italicized.**

It's been two weeks since the funeral Kendall would leave the apartment only for classes and stay in his room isolating himself. Carlos and Logan wanted to help their best friend badly but couldn't because Kendall would push them away. Numerous times Logan would pass Kendall and James' room he would hear Kendall cry loudly. It was painful for Logan and Carlos having Kendall feeling so helpless.

" We need to do something about Kendall. He's falling apart at a fast rate. I'm getting seriously concerned for his health," Logan says. Carlos places his hands on top of Logan's.

" I know, but can we possibly do without Kendall pushing us away?" Logan took a deep breath and exhaled.

" How about we take him out of the apartment? Maybe the park?" Carlos smiles after Logan makes his suggestion.

" That may work, Kendall needs to get outside and be away from James and his room for at least two hours." Logan stands up and knocks on Kendall's bedroom door. Kendall opens the door, eyes red and puffy obvious signs of crying.

" Hey Kendall, Carlos and I were thinking about taking you to the park. It's a beautiful day outside." Kendall stares at Logan then gazes at the open window smiles softly.

" Alright," Kendall walks back into his room. Carlos wraps an arm around Logan's waist pulling him closely. Kendall comes back with his face free of tears.

The three friends head over to the park that's fifteen minutes away from their apartment complex.

Cotton ball shaped clouds rolling in the sky white as paper. Sun shining magnificently wind blows slightly giving a cool temperature. Children playing tag, throwing baseballs and Frisbees. Kendall inhales the freshly cut grass into his body and exhales deeply. A smile crawls across his face it's been a long time since he's been out of the apartment complex and away from schoolwork. Starting Saturday Kendall is back coaching the local hockey team while Carlos and Logan start back on their team Thursday evening. The three friends spot the tree that the four of them use to sit by every time they came to the park. In front of that very tree is a small pond geese and ducks swim around little children feeding them small pieces of bread. Carlos and Logan sit on a bench beside the tree while Kendall sits at the base of the tree.

_Kendall and James were sitting at the base of a tree in front of a small pond. Carlos and Logan were somewhere around the park. Kendall and James were together for about two months the two were sixteen. It was James' idea to come by the park he adores this park. When he was depressed or just happy he would take a run around the park then sit by the pond. This was the first time James took Kendall to this park. Kendall was __mesmerized__ by the rippling water when ducks would flap their wings. James wrapped his arms around Kendall. Kendall faces James smiling, " this park is beautiful. Thank you for showing me this." James presses a kiss to Kendall's temple. " Thank you for coming," Kendall continues to stare into the distance. James places his head onto Kendall's right shoulder he takes a deep breath causing Kendall to shiver. " I love you," James breathes lightly into Kendall's ear. Today was the first time James told Kendall he loves him, " I love you too," Kendall replies. _

Kendall comes back from the memory that took place over three years ago. A few tears sneakily slide down Kendall's cheeks. He wasn't sad at the memory instead he's happy. That day was one of the best days of his life.

" Hey Kendall you are alright?" Carlos quietly asks Logan standing beside him hand in hand.

" Hey guys I'm fine just remembering a memory that I adore. Are you guys leaving?"

" Yeah Carlos is hungry do you want something to eat?" Logan questions Kendall.

" Nah I'm fine right now. I'm just going to sit here for a while longer." Logan nods.

" We'll be at Apple bee's the one by the complex if you want to meet us later," Carlos mentions. Kendall nods Carlos and Logan leave Kendall peacefully alone. Kendall has a huge smile on his face he looks up at the sky. " I love you James and I miss you so much."

**I hope you enjoy this bit of fluff. Please review! I'm sorry that I didn't update yesterday I had AP US DBQ thesis and introduction paragraph to write and internet stopped working. I will be posting either this story and/or Realize every other day – days that I don't have AP US. I'm off for break starting next Tuesday afternoon. Keep an eye out for the next chapter on Thursday. :)**


	4. There And Back Again

A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I own nothing except Julian my OC.

**-Two Weeks Later-**

The guys started back with hockey for the first time since the accident. Logan and Carlos have a game on Monday against another LA team. They are very excited for their game and plan on playing this game for James. Kendall doesn't have a game for his team until next month. Kendall hasn't been crying as much as before. He has been going to the park every other day after his classes sitting by the water at the base of the tree. While Kendall sits there he would do his homework and reminiscing about memories he shared with James.

Kendall is watching Logan and Carlos at the rink practicing for their game. Kendall is creating plays for his team. Carlos and Logan step off the cold ice and head into the locker rooms to change. Kendall finishes up a play just as Carlos and Logan emerge from the locker room. Julian walks up to the three with a smirk on his face.

" Hey there Kendall. It's been a while since I've seen you around. Feeling any better about losing James?" Anger boils through Kendall's system he clenches his teeth and fist. Seething through his teeth trying not to knock out Julian.

" Shut the fuck up Julian," Carlos says.

" Humph well I hope James is having fun watching over you three every day," Julian turns on his heels exiting the rink. Kendall is breathing heavily.

" Calm down Kendall, you know Julian has issues with everyone in the city," Logan says but Kendall isn't calming down. His eyes are bright red color and wide knuckles turning white from clenching them so hard. Carlos shuffles Kendall into their car while Logan drives them to their apartment complex.

The twenty minute car ride is in complete and utter silence. Kendall sprints into the apartment slams the door hard while Carlos and Logan are still in the parking garage. Kendall screams and begins to rummage around the apartment breaking plates, glasses, ripping pillows out of pure anger. Kendall grabs a broken piece of a plate and raises above his wrist Carlos and Logan enter the apartment watching Kendall about to cut his wrist out of pain, they sprint over to Kendall prying his arms away from the broken plate. Logan grab Kendall by the waist Carlos grabs Kendall's wrists. The two are successful Kendall looks into Logan's eyes tears forming in Kendall's eyes. Carlos and Logan let go of Kendall he falls to his knees crying.

" I can't do this anymore. I just want to die please let me die," Kendall cries out. Kendall's face is covered in tears Logan squats in front of Kendall.

" Kendall don't say that if you kill yourself you won't be with James. You would be somewhere else. You're our best friend if you leave too Carlos and I would be lost. We need you Kendall." Carlos squats next to Logan and begins to tell Kendall something.

" You remember when James gave you that ring?" Kendall looks down at the sliver ring James gave him. " He said that he loves you not matter where he is. It's true Kendall James loves you. He's watching you right now probably in pain watching you fall apart. Please Kendall if you hurt yourself James will be in pain. James is watching you Kendall and always will be watching you." Kendall stops crying stands up and goes to his room closing the door behind him. Carlos and Logan stand up heading to the kitchen in order to clean the mess. Carlos gathers all of the stuffing from the pillows and Logan sweeps up all of the broken glass shards off the ground.

" Logan I can't do this anymore," Logan stops and stares at Carlos.

" What do you mean Carlos? Are you breaking up with me?" Carlos takes a deep breathe.

" No I'm not breaking up with you Logan I would never do that. I love you too much. I can't live here with Kendall. He's destroying himself destruction in this apartment and I can't watch him fall apart even more Logan. I honestly thought he was moving on but it's not happening. I'm going to call Danny asking him if I can move in with him and it will be only for a month or so. I'll see you everyday Logan, hockey, classes and in this building since Danny is a floor above us." Logan is silent tears forming in his eyes. His boyfriend is leaving him alone with his destructive best friend, Carlos is moving out.

" Alright Carlos just visit please," Logan manages to say. Carlos wraps an arm around Logan pulling him into a kiss.

" I love you Logan."

" I love you too Carlos," Carlos heads into his and Logan's room to pack. Logan slides into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Puts his hand on top of the cold table top tears sliding down his face. _This is causing every to lose it all. _

**Sorry if this is short this was a good place to stop until the next chapter. **

**Please review they mean a lot to me! :) **


	5. Speak Up Dear

**I own nothing! The next chapter will be the epilogue and should be posted by Monday! :)**

Three weeks since Carlos moved out of the apartment living one floor above Logan and Kendall. Carlos would stop by every morning and every evening to see his boyfriend and best friend. Kendall has been calm and collected lately he even, for the first time, visited James' grave. He placed roses on top of James' grave Kendall spent two hours there while it was raining and wind blowing by. Kendall cried but not the entire though he kept himself whole. The passed week Kendall has been attending classes regularly and coaching little league hockey every Monday, Wednesday and Saturdays it's keeps him occupied. Tonight is the day Carlos is moving back in since Kendall hasn't had an outburst. Logan was ecstatic about Carlos coming home later this evening and Kendall was making progress.

Logan is sitting by the small piano in the guys apartment lazily presses the white and black keys. Sounds filling the room he begins to play cords trying to fit them into a song. Kendall is sitting in his room working on homework and studying. Logan begins to sing a song that he started,

"_**Please speak softly, for they will hear us**_

_**And they'll find out why we don't trust them**_

_**Speak up dear cause I cannot hear you**_

_**I need to know why we don't trust them" **_

Kendall emerges from his room picks up his guitar and plops next to Logan.

" Sounds great Logan. Can I add something to it?" Logan nods and Kendall begins to sing and playing cords Logan continues to play cords too.

" _The things that burn inside_

_Down deep I'm barely breathing_

_But you just see a smile_

_And I don't wanna let this go_

_Really I just want to know__" _

Kendall stops singing listening to Logan take over on the singing,

"_**Where can I turn**_

_**Cause I need something more**_

_**Surrounded by uncertainties I'm so unsure of**_

_**Tell me why I feel so alone cause I need to**_

_**Know to whom do I owe**_

_Help me come back down_

_I'm high above the clouds_

_You know I'm suffocating_

_But I blame this town" _

Logan and Kendall begin to sing the ending together while looking down at the lyrics Logan wrote,

"_**I thought that we'd make it**_

_**Because you said that we'd make it through**_

_**And when all security fails**_

_**Will you be there to help me through.**_

**Cause all we know is falling, it falls.**

**Remember how, cause I know that we won't forget at all." **

Kendall and Logan finish the song, " Carlos is coming back tonight," Kendall says. Logan stands up walking over to the kitchen counter pulling out uncooked rice.

" Yeah he is. How are you feeling?" Kendall follows Logan into the kitchen Logan pours water onto the rice to rinse it.

" I'm alright actually. Everything good I've been sleeping very well and I haven't cried in a while."

" You miss him a lot don't you?"

" Very much Logan. But, I know one day we both will be together," Logan walks over to Kendall and hugs him. " Thank you for being there for me Logan."

" I'm always here Kendall. You're my best friend," Logan replies. There's a knock at the door Logan opens the door seeing Carlos with his suitcase in hand. Logan tackles Carlos with a hug and Carlos hugging his beloved boyfriend back then presses a quick kiss to his lips. Logan grabs Carlos by the hand and dragging him into the kitchen.

" Hey Kendall."

" Hey Carlos, I'm glad you're back Logan is _especially_ glad you're back," Kendall replies jokily to Logan. Logan blushes and slaps Kendall playfully to the arm.

" That's a good thing then. I want to apologize to both of you. I shouldn't have gave up on you Kendall. I was just scared and confused. I didn't mean to. And Logan I shouldn't have left you alone you probably were a complete mess. I'm sincerely sorry to the both of you." Kendall smiles softly and pulls Carlos into a hug.

" Carlos it's ok and I accept your apology. I shouldn't have reacted that way I was scared too. But, everything is great now. Logan and I even wrote a song today," Kendall drags Carlos and Logan over to the written down lyrics. Carlos reads them rapidly and smiles.

" This is amazing guys. We should record it sometime and keep it. It's great," Carlos replies pulling his two best friends into a hug. Everything is now going alright.

**I meshed three Paramore songs together, Conspiracy, Adore and All We Know.**

**Conspiracy lyrics are bolded and ****italicized.**** All We know is bolded and Adore is only ****italicized.**

**Please review they mean so much to me! :) **


	6. For Forever and For Always

**Thank you so much for all the alerts, favorites, and reviewing! :) **

**Tissues may be needed. This is the epilogue. **

Kendall is sitting by James' grave Carlos and Logan are back at the apartment packing for their new apartment in downtown LA. Kendall places several roses, yellow, pink, white and red around James' grave.

" Hey Jamie. I miss you so much. Guess what happened to Logan, Carlos and I? We got signed for a record deal. Can you believe it? I know it wasn't part of my dream but it was you dream Jamie. I want to live it for you, wonder what it would be like," Kendall says. He glances up at the sky, " Everything is going great. Logan and Carlos are engaged and their wedding will be in six months in December. They're more than excited for it. We all wish that you could be here watching them say their " I dos" but I know you're going to watching them up there, in heaven. I know I jumping subjects back and forth but the name of our band is Always Forever. It reminds me of us our relationship it will be always forever. When I pass on in a couple decades we'll be together again," I few tears slip down Kendall's face. " I'm going to sing you a song that I wrote for our album." Kendall begins to sing,

"_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_

_**This pain is just too real**_

_**There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**_

_**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**_

_**And I held your hand through all of these years**_

_**But you still have**_

_**All of me**_

_**You used to captivate me**_

_**By your resonating light**_

_**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**_

_**Your face it haunts**_

_**My once pleasant dreams**_

_**Your voice it chased away**_

_**All the sanity in me**_

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**_

_**But though you're still with me**_

_**I've been alone all along"**_

" I love you Jamie. I miss you dearly I can't wait to be with you again." Kendall dusts off his jeans and lazily runs his fingers along James' tombstone. _James Diamond. 1992-2010._ _Best Friend and Boyfriend. " _ I miss you and love you James."

Kendall heads over to his truck to drive back to the apartment. As he enters the apartment he enters his bathroom to change his clothing. He gazes into the mirror one of his tattoos, _James Diamond + Kendall Knight-Diamond 4ever," _above his heart_. _He smiles softly and shifts his eyes down to his right wrist, " J.D." Carlos and Logan both have that same exact tattoo on their right wrists in memory of James. They vow that they will never forget their best friend. Never forget.

**Thank you so much again! I hope the ending wasn't too bad. Please review! :) **


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